I think I have proved, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that evolution cannot be true.
I base this staggering statement solely on the case study of our home here in South Africa. I mean, if evolution was true, our house should have improved itself in the four years I spent in the USA, not so?
Instead, my house stands as a living confirmation of logical entropy: the longer left alone, the more it tends towards chaos. Instead of finding brand new curtains and the spawn of furniture waiting to be hatched into miniature versions of itself, I found dust, cobwebs, large happy families of spiders, dust, cracks in the walls, leaking pipes and more dust.
Have I mentioned dust? Layers and layers of it in nooks and crannies I never knew existed. Suffice to say that I now know what a year’s worth of dust looks like and it’s not pretty. Nor is it beneficial for those tiny little spaces called sinuses, which tend to feel not so tiny when it rebels against its dusty environment.
So began a long and extended spring-cleaning in the middle of summer. I have learned and confirmed many truths during this laborious time, of which I will include some highlights here:
- If it finds you alone in a deserted alley, the African sun will kill you. Atlanta may be hotter than Pretoria, but the sun here takes no prisoners. I am still mourning the premature death of at least a quarter of all my curtains, as they literally fell off the rails when I started taking them off for a well-needed wash.
- Everything really is bigger in America. Okay, maybe not everything, but my washing machine certainly was. Most of my curtains and bedding had to be washed very much manually in a bathtub. Which brings me to my next point:
- Those Voortrekker1 tannies2 were not a bunch of sissies. After a couple of days of treading washing in a bathtub, lifting the now tripled-in-weight-curtains and lugging them up and down stairs, I felt like a freight train has run me over. And backed over me again. A couple of times, actually.
- It may take days to wash all the windows, but it will take only a couple of minutes worth of rain to undo your crystal clear view.
- Angry spiders throw tantrums too. They tend to bounce up and down rather animatedly if you bump their cobwebs. Quite an intimidating display of territorialism, but I’m bigger and I can bounce too, so I won this one hands down.
- A single family of birds nesting above your front door can produce enough bird-poop in a year to fertilize a full size garden.
- A matchbox size piece of forgotten cheese in your refrigerator will generate more culture than an average country and western concert gathering.
Who knew such life changing truths were hidden in the mundane tasks of spring-cleaning?
As I subjected myself to involuntary experiments on the effectiveness of different anti-histamines (a girl’s sinuses can take only so much dust), Cowboy Ken had his share of maintenance too. Apart from a gate that has rusted shut and a swimming pool that sprung a leak (twice), he also had his hands full with long overdue car maintenance and The Case of the Leaking Toilet (don’t even ask, it will take several blog-posts to cover this one and I’m not sure I want to remember).
At least all the flurry of activity had numerous enjoyable social encounters in between. Ken and I literally felt like celebrities as we couldn’t find enough time on our calendars for all the kuier3 and braai4 invitations. From everyone we heard the same thing: we are sorry that your plans to reside in the US didn’t work out, but boy, are we glad you’re back!
How can we not feel special?
What is even more special is the extra time I have been granted with my Mom since her heart attack early November. We have been spending lots of quality time together, something I do not take for granted anymore. In fact, since our Close Encounters of the American kind, there are lots of things I don’t take for granted anymore, but that’s a different story altogether.
So as I massage my spring-cleaning muscles (yeah, I didn’t know I had those either) and wave to the neighbours through my now curtainless windows, I cannot help but to feel blessed.
To know Mom and Dad is just a short 2-hour drive away. To have so many friends, receiving us back with open arms. To at least have a house to clean and a swimming pool to fix.
Perspective is a beautiful thing.
<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~
Vocabulary for Afrikaans-impaired people
1 Voortrekkers: the [V] is pronounced like an [F], the [oor] in Voor is pronounced the same as the [ure] in sure
= Voortrekkers in South African history is similar to pilgrims in American history
2 tannies: the [annies] is pronounced like the [unnies] in bunnies
= old ladies or aunties
3 kuier: pronounced “kayer”
= to visit or socialize
4 braai: pronounced “bruy”
= to barbecue meat, especially steaks and wors
